Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are apparently a couple now? I don’t know. That’s what the internet told me. Personally, it isn’t much of a concern of mine. But I love Swift’s music, and regardless of how their relationship turns out, there’s a 100% chance that he will inspire some music. So I thought I’d expedite the process and write out the lyrics she should be including on her next album whether the relationship has ended or is still going strong by the time of its release. Yes, these are all puns about Hiddleston’s filmography. No, I don’t care. No, I’m not making a “Loki”/“low-key” joke.
Going well: “Only with you did I see the light / Falling into your arms tonight”
Going poorly: “I wish I’d sooner seen the light / Left as soon as I knew that was right”
Going well: “Feels like midnight in Paris / you’re the prince and I’m the heiress”
Going poorly: “You’re like a Paris midnight / cold and devoid of light”
Going well: “There’s only lovers left alive / I’ll never die with you by my side”
Going poorly: “They say only lovers left alive / At this point why do I even try?”
Going well: “Love as endless as the deep blue sea / Oh, don’t you know what you mean to me?”
Going poorly: “Drowning in the deep blue sea / All I wanted to do was leave”
Going well: “I could only dream of such a unity / Me and you and you and me”
Going poorly: “There’s a ‘u’ and ‘i’ in ‘unity’ / But nothing you said I could believe”
Going well: “Everybody before you was an exhibition / You’re the first one to truly listen”
Going poorly: “Is this to you an exhibition? / To leave is all I’m wishing”
I’m sorry for all twelve of them.
Thoughts About the Thoughts
Brock: MOM. (That’s how you respond to something about T-Swift, right?)
Ben: I don’t think she’ll appreciate you outing yourself as her ghostwriter Brian.